Dark Days
by Humanity's Redemption
Summary: After Clarke leaves the camp of the Sky people she wanders into the forest only to be found by Lexa. The commander then gives Clarke a new purpose in life and trains her as one of the famous Swis Goufa. One of the daughters of the knives.


Cold.

That was the only thing Clarke thought about, as she was huddled in a blanket, sitting against a tree. She was alone in the woods. Although this didn't scare her as much as it used to, she knew she couldn't survive alone forever.

Clarke had tried to light a fire, but the wood in this part of the forest was too wet to be flammable. So she did the only thing she could. Sitting in the dark and thinking about how it had all gone so wrong. Jasper's girlfriend was dead because of her. 36 children had died because of her. It didn't matter to her that she had no other choice at the moment. 36 children had died before they had the chance to grow up. And Clarke was the reason for that.

Sighing, she pulled the blanket tighter around her.

"It doesn't matter anyway, I'm going to die here, sooner rather than later." Clarke whispered to herself. It was a trait she developed a few days ago. 3 weeks without anyone to talk to, had a strange effect on some people. After telling Bellamy that she wouldn't come back to camp with him, she wandered into the forest and didn't look back. Clarke knew she deserved everything that happened to her in the following weeks. The first two weeks, after the talk with Bellamy, had been fairly easy for her. She had enough to eat and she even welcomed the silence the endless trees provided for her. However, recently, she caught herself thinking about a certain person. Only thinking about her made her heart ache and her chest tighten with constricting feelings.

 _Lexa_

It was confusing, really. Clarke knew she shouldn't have any romantic feelings for the woman who betrayed her and her people.

 _She only did that to protect her own. You would have done the same, if you were in her position_

It didn't matter though. As far as Clarke knew Lexa didn't care if she was even alive, much less where. She rolled over and closed her eyes, trying not to think too hard about the nightmares that were sure to come. They always came to remind her. As if she would ever forget.

* * *

 **Lexa**

Lexa breathed in a lungful of air as she strolled through the woods. This was her land. This was where she was truly at home. She didn't even feel this kind of freedom in her village. No. Only being alone outside in the woods managed to bring that part of Lexa alive. Unfortunately, ever since she had been called to lead her people she found not much time to do so. Being completely alone was almost impossible. She had to have guards in order to protect her.

But every now and then Lexa told them to stay behind. To stay hidden, while she wandered these woods. They weren't far away of course. She couldn't see them, but knew they were in shouting distance. Should anything happen to her, they would be here in seconds. A twig broke loudly in the night, somewhere to her left. She spun her head around but couldn't see anything. Lexa didn't worry much though, it would have to be an extremely small animal, for her to stumble upon it so unexpectedly. A low growl sounded through the forest, causing Lexa to stop and look around her. Every muscle in her body was tense, ready to spring into action. Whatever this was, she almost certainly could kill it with her bare hands. Regardless, Lexa liked to be prepared.

She waited for a few more minutes but nothing happened. Not seeing anything particularly dangerous in her vicinity she continued her walk. Although the ground was flooded with leaves and dry twigs, the commander didn't produce a single sound as she moved through the night. A fierce grin spread across her face as she imagined, a big bear or wolf appearing before her. It had been far too long, since she had hunted one of those.

With the moon shining through the trees and her feet flying across the ground, as she quickened her pace, Lexa felt completely and contentedly happy. Except …

There was always this undercurrent of a bad mood inside her. Caused by a certain blond girl. Lexa shook her head tried to focus her mind.

After about two hours she stopped by a little stream to drink some water. She could have asked the warriors who where trailing her, to come and drink as well, but she knew that they would see it as an insult. They wouldn't say anything to their commander. They wouldn't dare. Lexa's control over them was complete and unquestionable. Her Trikru warriors gladly died for her if she commanded them to. But such a little thing, to indicate that they were probably thirsty while protecting their heda, would insult them immensely.

So without saying anything Lexa got up from drinking. And that was when she heard the scream echoing through the night.

* * *

 **Clarke**

"Tell me you didn't know this was going to happen. Tell me you didn't know all these people were going to die, Clarke!"

"Mom … I can't. But we had to keep our insider a secret. We had to do it. Otherwise they would have known."

"How could you Clarke? How could you let this happen?"

"Mom, please … you have to understand."

The first thing Clarke realised, after she awoke was the eerie silence around. Like the whole forest had died. Her throat felt raw, so she had probably been screaming in her sleep. Gauging by the position of the moon she couldn't have slept more than 3 hours. This was one of her recurring dreams. It was the conversation she'd had with her mom, after Tondc had been destroyed by a bomb sent from Mount Weather. They had known about the bomb beforehand, thanks to Bellamy, but they couldn't evacuate their people, otherwise Mount Weather would have known that they had a spy inside their facility. Clarke herself had tried to talk Lexa out of it, when they heard the news. But the brunette woman hadn't changed her mind. She was sure that this was the only way to ensure the fall of Mount Weather. And she had been right. But Clarke often wondered, if winning a war was worth losing your humanity. All the people she could have saved. But then maybe Mount Weather would have imprisoned them all and used them for their experiments.

Either way, it was too late now and brooding over the past didn't help her.

 _I wonder if Lexa has to go through the same nightmares_

Probably not. The commander had an iron grip on her emotions and Clarke was pretty, sure she wouldn't let something as mundane as a nightmare, take control of her.

 _No. Lexa is far too strong for that._

But Clarke wasn't that strong. And she didn't even know if she wanted to be. Sure, it would be nice to be able to sleep without interruptions, but closing her eyes off to the horrible things she'd done, didn't seem right to her.

And so she once more wished somebody would be here to tell her that it would all get better soon. Even if it was a lie.

And so she began, all alone in the darkness, without anybody to comfort her, to cry. Tears were running down her cheeks. She had never felt more alone.

* * *

 **Lexa**

 _No. It can't be. It's impossible._

But Lexa was sure of herself. In the clearing in front of her Clarke was sitting, perched up against a tree. She would have recognised her blond hair everywhere.

 _What is she doing here_ Lex thought to herself, as she shifted her weight on a branch of a tree near the clearing. Even if Clarke, by chance, looked in her direction, she wouldn't have been able to make out more than a few shadows. She looked closer at Clarke and was now, even despite the darkness, able to make out some details. The blanket, which she had woven around her, to protect her from the cold.

Lexa winced, as she heard the first sounds of someone crying. Her heart crunched as she saw the shoulders of the blond shake. Clarke's tears glittered in the moonlight and it only made Lexa feel worse. For she knew, that she was the reason for Clarke's tears. She had caused those tears as she betrayed the Sky people in front of Mount Weather. That had by far been the hardest decision the commander had ever made in her life. Her heart telling her to stand by Clarke and fight alongside the blond she cared so much about. Her head telling her to accept the deal and leave the Skaikru to fend on their own. Lexa remembered the day like it was yesterday, because each step that took her farther away from the mountain, and from Clarke, also teared her heart farther apart.

Just then she felt someone approaching from behind. She knew that her warriors would never let anyone get past, so she didn't even turn as they swiftly approached climbing up the tree she was on. When they were perched beside her one of them spoke up.

"Heda. This girl is weak. Just like all of the Skaikru. Just say the word and I will free the world from her."

Lexa barely contained her anger and refrained from cutting off his head right there and then. She looked at him with a look that could have cut trees in half, but to her surprise he didn't flinch and he didn't even avert his gaze.

"Say something like that again, Gustus, and I will free your head from your body. This is no ordinary girl. This is Clarke. Heda of the Skaikru."

This, her guards understood and they looked at the girl, who sat in the clearing crying, with newfound respect.

The commander was still unsure as to what to do now. Always in her life her path had been clear before her, but now she had no idea what to do. She could either go down to Clarke and try to comfort the blond, or she could turn away and act like it never happened. The blond hadn't seen her so it didn't make a difference to her. However, as Lexa saw Clarke sitting there crying, she knew it would never be an option to leave Clarke. She had once left her and had regretted it ever since. She wouldn't do so again.

 _She might hate you_ shot through Lexa's head. Yes. It was a very probable possibility, but the commander knew she had to talk to the blond. To make her understand why she did. She didn't expect her to forgive her. But she had to try.

"Head back to camp. Do not wait for me" she told them.

They started to protest but Lexa held up a hand, silencing their objections. They grimly nodded and climbed down the tree, heading back to their camp.

"Now for the fun part…" she said to herself as she leaned backward until, there was no other choice but to pull in her legs and roll over backwards in the air. She landed with two feet firmly on the ground.

She must have made some sound because the soft crying noises had stopped and Clarke had her head held high, alert for any sudden movements.

"Hello? Is anybody here?" the leader of the Skaikru asked into the darkness.

Lexa didn't answer. She just walked into the clearing. Clarke spotted her the moment she stepped free from the tree line.

The blonde girl's eyes widened slightly at the unexpected visitor and then Clarke's bright blue eyes found Lexa's green one's and suddenly the whole world stopped spinning. Her lips parted slightly, but her throat was suddenly to tight to produce a sound.

Clarke swallowed visibly.

"Lexa"


End file.
